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This is not about you (or: Don't tell me what I'm missing)

by on February 15, 2010, in i wish my lawn were emo so it would cut itself, waxing creative

I do not like your children
I do not find them cute
Or funny or smart or irresistable
When their faces are covered in snot and dirt
And they are running through the store unattended
Knocking things over and you are pretending not to notice because you are sick of them.

I do not want to hear your children whine during a movie
That they shouldn’t even be in
I do not want to hear them scream in the restaurant because they did not get their nap and you were too selfish to keep them home and deal with them yourself
You wanted to bring them out in hopes the change of scenery would make them behave
But that never works
And you know it
But you did it anyway.

Because you are upset that you are the only one responsible for these misbehaving children and your life as you knew and loved it is gone and you can’t take it anymore
So you want the rest of us to suffer with you.

It is working.

Comments { 4 }

I don't think we can afford it, though

by on February 10, 2010, in jump aboard the crazy train, waxing creative

I want to live in Sylvan Park. I want to walk to Star Bagel on Saturday mornings, and then across the street to the Local Taco for margaritas on the porch and a vegetarian taco for lunch. I want to get a dog so I can walk her up and down the slightly hilly neighborhood streets and look at all of the charming wood-siding houses that, in the fall when all of the leaves have fallen from the trees—leaving them barren and cragged and clawing starkly at the crisp sky—could pass for the home of a witch in a Halloween tale.

I want to grill out every night for two weeks straight with my husband, feeling the last of the tepid air on my arms as we acquiesce that summer is, indeed, leaving us, and we’ll soon be resigned to the oven again. I want to sit on the stone front porch and read a book while the wind whips around, stirring the few leaves already on the ground, an alert that my favorite season is coming for me.

I want to grow my hair long in preparation for the gray so that when it’s ready, I can sit on that front porch, surrounded by those pointing tree limbs, alternating between reading old books and writing furiously in a journal, and it will twist and tangle around my face in the wind, making me look the part of the crazy old woman I already am.

Comments { 7 }

It's January, and I'm restless again

by on January 26, 2010, in i wish my lawn were emo so it would cut itself, jump aboard the crazy train, waxing creative

It happens every year: the uneasiness, the uncertainty about what I should be doing in a moment, the feeling that I’m wasting time but lacking the motivation to do anything productive. To do anything.

I know I’m not unique in this, but the thought of thousands of other people feeling a little bit lost, too, isn’t exactly a comfort.

All of our habits begin and end in the dark.

It’s winter, and I’m missing my muse again.

My days are filled with ideas of projects and stories and website redesigns, but my evenings find me loitering on the couch, paralyzed and unused.

I could sit at this computer all night, tranquilized by the sensation of fingers hitting keys, soothed by the tactile repetition, but the words wouldn’t come out right.

Comments { 5 }

I could have done so much more

by on September 28, 2009, in around town, Art, life etc., photography, waxing creative

Tonight my first assignment for my photo class was due, and I barely scraped nine images together. (Have I mentioned that I’m taking a photography class at Watkins? Maybe that was just on Twitter.) Part of the problem with waiting until the weekend to do everything is that I forgot how lazy I am on the weekend. Also, the weather was shitty so I didn’t really go out anywhere.

Nevertheless, the teacher had some nice things to say about these images. He didn’t say anything negative, which I guess I should be happy about. But I’m taking this class because I want to improve, so some constructive criticism might have been helpful. Believe it or not I’m pretty good at taking criticism—as long as it’s from someone who is clearly an expert on the subject or at least more educated on it than I am. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who knows just as much or less than I do about something trying to tell me how I fucked up.

Anyway, here’s a mosaic of my shots from the first assignment (you can find the full set here). The assignment was to play around with various shutter speeds and see what happens.

I could have done so much more

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I can feel it coming in the air tonight

by on September 5, 2009, in jump aboard the crazy train, life etc., photography, waxing creative

(Oh Lord.)

I can feel it coming in the air tonight

According to the calendar fall is almost here, but for all intents and purposes (mine, at least), it’s already upon us. Clear, bright daytimes followed by crisp, sleek evenings; that feeling of being right there inside nature as it whistles in my ear… It’s right here. I’m becoming fully aware of its onset with each of my senses.

This is my favorite time of year. I am my happiest in September, October and November of each year. But especially October. I love October.

The slow death of the green is beautiful, with its explosions of reds and yellows and browns, and the only comfort I take in the gray that eventually appears is the knowledge that the cycle will begin again, full-blast, a few months later.

Each fall I decide the earth is too beautiful to be atheist and try to reconcile with my pagan tendencies. Each year I get too self-conscious to give them the attention they deserve, but this year feels different. This year I’m not going to give up.

So bring it, nature. I need your help.

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Going out on a limb

by on August 13, 2009, in i wish my lawn were emo so it would cut itself, waxing creative

I am not a hero
I tow the line
I only make small waves
I only have small moments of bravery
where I challenge status quo
where I mock expected
but only at home do I feel safe
expressing my hate
in small bursts of defiance
of what you good people love
and call a good life

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Because I believe oversharing is the key

by on February 10, 2009, in blogging, Internet, jump aboard the crazy train, memes, waxing creative

I recently came across a Time.com article dissing the recent Facebook 25 Things meme in which people post a note with, you guessed it, 25 random things about themselves.

“But it’s just so stupid,” whines the article’s author, Claire Suddath (I can’t help but wonder if this is the same whiny Claire Suddath who wrote for the Nashville Scene years ago).

What’s stupid, actually, is joining a giant social network like Facebook and then bitching about learning random, pointless pieces of data about your “friends.”

I wonder if Claire holds her real-life friends to the same “Only speak to me when you have something that I am sure to deem interesting” standards.

Personally, I love oversharing. I have a blog, obviously. And a Twitter account. And a Facebook account. And there’s not much I won’t tell you about myself if you just ask. Granted there are personal pieces of information I don’t just offer up online (the interwebs are full of weirdos, after all), but when it comes to the random, weird or mundane, I’m an open book.

This short post by the astute Brittney Gilbert hits the nail on the head.

Though the rewards might be few and far between, there is something to be said for sharing bits and pieces of yourself with the world. And getting glimpses into others’ lives—glimpses that you would never, ever be privy to if you were limited to phone or in-person conversations because there are always certain things that individuals will reveal about themselves only in writing. And if you bother to read between the lines of the mundane, random or weird, you’ll see that even at our most boring we all have shades of intrigue.

It’s a shame Claire Suddath is missing out on that.

Comments { 9 }

This post is for me

by on November 19, 2008, in life etc., waxing creative

This post is for me.
This post is a reminder, a hug and a kick in the ass.
This post is sad, confusing and unfair.
But this post is also encouragement, understanding and ambition.
This post is luck, gratitude and pressing forward renewed.
This post is for me, and it will be ok.

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I can feel it

by on November 2, 2008, in life etc., news/politics, waxing creative

I can feel the cool air sifting through my skin as I pull on my heavy knit coat before I walk out the front door
I can feel the crispness of the season breaking under my feet and the crunch of leaves turning to cracks in ice just waiting for me to slip
This is the time of year when everything begins to freeze and in the stillness I catch things that live outside my frame of sight in warmer, more flexible air
This is the time of year when I used to retreat.

Yesterday I bundled myself into the corner of the couch, in the corner of my house, in the corner of my town, in the middle of my state, in the middle of my fucked up country

And I could feel a difference
I felt more full than i have in years
I can feel it coming, I can feel the change
I am on the brink
I am almost proud of my country
And I hope it doesn’t let me down tomorrow.

Comments { 5 }

An occasional struggle

by on February 28, 2008, in jump aboard the crazy train, waxing creative, writing

Often the words come to the surface easily, slipping through perfectly executed keystrokes that will eventually give way to a triumph of syntax. But some days, my mind shakes and shivers, constipated with ideas until I finally stick a finger in and force the bloated paragraphs out into some sort of semblance. My heart has ached at the thought of having treasured nonsense pried from its grasp while I beg it to just get up, already, put on some pants and leave the house.

And I wonder why I can’t stop biting my nails.

Comments { 1 }
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