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Feb. 3 | Crash Blossoms

by on February 4, 2010, in around town, life etc., photography, Project365, stupid assholes

Feb. 3 | Crash Blossoms

We won $60 in last night’s trivia game, overcoming several teams of cheaters (even after they were called out for using KGB) and a new host who obviously didn’t know what was going on.

Oh, and at the end when we were announced as the overall winners? We were booed. BOOED. FOR BEING SMART. Booed by a room of cheating college kids.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as in the beginning when our team name was announced during team introductions someone yelled “SHOW US YOUR BOOBS” at me.

(FYI: I got the name from this article, shared with me yesterday by my co-worker Bill.)

Comments { 2 }

Dear Tennessee,

by on June 1, 2009, in jump aboard the crazy train, photography, stupid assholes, WTF?

Dear Tennessee,

Every time I think I’ve fallen in love with you, you go and do something shitty like this.

Please grow up and stop being a racist, bigoted jackass.
Megan

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Let's just run with the idea

by on February 12, 2009, in blogging, jump aboard the crazy train, memes, stupid assholes, writing

So today I was thinking some more about the whole “I don’t want to read 25 things about my friends because my friends are all boring assholes that suck” reaction that Claire Suddath (and some other people) had to the Facebook meme.

I also thought a little bit about how, when I hear people say stupid shit, I have a tendency to blog about it out of spite. Well, not really spite. More because I feel like if you’re going to say or do something stupid, I’m going to call you out on it. Most of the time.

And then I thought about how I really haven’t been blogging much lately.

Hmm… there has to be some way I can meld those two things together…

Oh, I’ve got it!

I’m going to try to blog every day at least three times a week—each post being an entry in a new and ongoing 25 Things About Me list. I will try not to repeat things I have said before, too. (“Try” being the operative word here. I’m really not all that interesting.)

So to start things off, why don’t I just toot my own horn a little. Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be plenty of self-deprecation to come:

No. 1: I can be obsessive about sentence structure. Give me some sentences that are super short or don’t flow right or maybe don’t make any damn sense at all and I will try my damnest to magically fix them up into a glorious string of sensical words that are super easy to read. I feel that this is a strength of mine. (Obviously, or I wouldn’t be freaking telling you guys.)

Sometimes I sit down to write and the words just flow like holy water from my brain, through my fingers, onto the keyboard and into a story. But most of the time I jot down a bunch of thoughts as I comb through notes and then go back later to make them make sense.

I realize this admission is inviting you to comb through this blog and find an assload of sentences that have slang, are partially or poorly formed, or don’t really seem to make much sense. But that’s intentional—it’s in accordance with the style in which I write on this here blog. This is where I come to vomit up whatever is on my mind, not worry about how easy it is for people to read.

But professionally? I can form the shit out of a sentence.

Comments { 7 }

Another update on the Honda Civ issue

by on January 8, 2009, in around town, automóviles, stupid assholes

Apparently I am a squeaky wheel about to get greased.

So you remember from this and this about my 2007 Honda Civix EX’s defective rear upper control arm, which in turn jacked up my alignment and therefore my rear tires, right? And how the dealer said Honda wasn’t paying for it because my car was no longer under warranty, even though it is a part that has been defective since Day 1, not something that has gone wrong due to the number of miles on the vehicle?

And remember how I called Honda and was told that sometimes they do pay for stuff like this, but I needed the service bulletin number for them to look it up and so I had to call Reddell and get it, and then when I called Honda back, the bitch who was “helping” me said there was nothing they could do, the car was out of warranty and too bad that the part was defective when I bought the car? And how I was all, “Look bitch, I paid $20k for a car that I was told was NOT defective, and now you’re telling me that it is defective but you’re not going to fix it and where’s Ralph Nader because I’m pretty sure that violates some kind of lemon law.”

And she was all, “Well I can’t help you” and I was all “Then forward me to your supervisor or someone who can because this is bullshit” and she was all “Fine I’ll take down your info but you probably won’t hear from us til after the holidays.”

And then on Dec. 22 a nice man named Tony left me a voicemail at work telling me that apparently I had raised enough of a ruckus that they assigned me a case manager, and he was it, and he was going to be reviewing my case and would call me back after the holidays.

So today I got a call from Nice Man Tony asking me if Jim the service adviser from Reddell had called me back yet, and I said no (all the while picturing him sitting on his stool glaring at Ian and I from across the service department while Eric, our service rep, went to ask him on our behalf exactly why we should have to pay for this issue when it was obviously a Honda problem). Nice Man Tony sounded sounded surprised that Jim hadn’t called me, and he told me that he was going to make a quick call and I would be hearing back from him shortly.

About 20 minutes later I received a call from Eric at Reddell letting me know that Honda is going to pay for the repair. And not just the defective rear control arm. They are also going to pay for the alignment my car needs because their defective rear control arm jacked it up. The only thing they’re not going to pay for is new rear tires. But in all honestly, I was expecting to buy new tires sooner rather than later anyway since the tread is getting pretty low.

Ha, but Eric says, “And the tires are $139.99,” to which I replied, “Well that’s OK, I can get tires for cheaper anywhere else so I’ll just bring the car in to you guys for the repair.”

No fucking way am I paying $300 for TWO tires. Especially when I can get comparable tires at Sears for probably just a little more than half the price. Plus they do that $5 per tire roadside assistance thing that’s pretty sweet.

Anyway, I scheduled an appointment with Honda to bring the Civ in on Jan. 17 to get the repairs done. Let’s hope they aren’t so pissed off at me that they screw something else up just so they can still get money out of me. Although they should be getting reimbursed from Honda for the repair so they should still be happy. Though I bet they were inflating the price JUST A TAD when they thought I was going to be rolling over and vomiting up the money to them.

So, yay. This saves me anywhere from $300 – $450, depending on what I get the tires for at Sears.

I think this calls for a celebratory “I fought the car dealer and I fucking WON” beer, don’t you think?

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Comments { 1 }

Adios, Crapcast

by on January 4, 2009, in but in our house we never get bored, stupid assholes, technology/yes I am a geek, TV

I just called and ordered us DirectTV. I’m nervous because I’ve never had satellite TV before (and I had to sign a fucking two-year contract), but I can’t imagine it could be worse than our experience with Comcast lately. Actually, I’m sure it could be. As an eternal cynic, I know it can always be worse.

But ever since Ian and I switched over to digital cable with Comcast a few months ago, we’ve had nothing but trouble. First, it was the phone tech giving me one price for the digital basic + HD + DVR and getting to the service center to pick up the receiver and finding out it was a different price. It was cheaper and included Showtime (which we didn’t even want but were basically forced to get included in the package), so I made sure to ask if I called and canceled Showtime BEFORE the three-month promotion period I wouldn’t be charged the full amount for the past three months. I was told no, go ahead and cancel whenever you want.

Well, last month our first post-Showtime promotion bill shows up and it’s $180. That’s about $60 more than it should have been. So I call, and the guy tells me that because I called and canceled Showtime a month before the promotion was up, they took back my credit. I told him that not only did I ask when I signed up for the promotion WHICH I DIDN’T WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE if this would happen and was told “Oh no, cancel whenever you want,” when I actually called to cancel I asked the woman who was helping me if it was OK and she said sure, of course, cancel whenever you want.

Well this guy cops a ‘tude and tells me that I got the wrong info and while it’s their fault, they aren’t going to do anything. I think it was at this point that I unleashed a bunch of F bombs on him and asked to talk to his supervisor. He puts me on hold and comes back and says he looked in the notes and realized the woman who helped me cancel Showtime worked in his department, so he asked her about me. And get this: She says that even though it’s not written down in the notes, and she probably helps thousands of people every single fucking day, SHE REMEMBERS ME AND REMEMBERS TELLING ME I WOULD HAVE TO PAY A PENALTY.

Ok, first of all that’s just fucking ridiculous that she would remember me. It’s also ridiculous to think that a customer who is already pissed off is going to say, “Oh yeah, now I remember being told I would have to pay another $60 to cancel a FREE SERVICE early.”

So I unleashed seven kinds of other F bombs on the guy, say just cancel the service, and all of a sudden he can fix it. I just have to add back Showtime for another month and pay $14.99 and they’ll credit me the $60. At this point I’m so pissed off (and cannot afford a $180 cable bill) so I say fine, whatever you want to call it. I mean, a $45 credit is better than nothing. So he adjusts the bill and tells me I can’t cancel Showtime until Jan. 9, 2009, and to call back on that day or later.

Well today I get home from a party and get the cable bill and low and fucking behold, it’s $180 again. That $60 credit they were supposed to put back on there because I had added Showtime? Not there. Well, I mean it was ON THE BILL it just wasn’t subtracted from the total.

So I call, and the guy’s like yeah I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t really understand the previous notes, but you have to pay this $180 bill even though like three other people have told you it should be $130 (which is still ridiculous, even factoring in $49 a month for Internet). So I get really exasperated and tell him that I’m tired of no one there knowing what’s going on, and people signing me up for “promotions” that end up costing me more in the long run, or that I can talk to three different reps in the same day and get three different prices and service plans.

So I started asking about canceling my service, and all of a sudden, dude’s like, Oh well I can add you back on the Showtime promotion again and give you the credit back! And I’m like, dude you just told me that didn’t make sense and I had to pay for your other rep’s mistake.

I told him to keep his fucking promotion, and I was going to call back later in the week to cancel cable. I got online, compared DishTV to DirectTV and decided that DirectTV was the better value (same number of HD and regular channels—plus the local and local HD channels and no extra charge—for about 60 percent of the price), and called to set up service. No equipment/installation/activation charges. When we move, they’ll transfer the service for free.

They come out Jan. 24 between 8 and 12 to set it up. They could have been here sooner, but I wanted Saturday installation.

So while we’re waiting for DirectTV to come out, Ian said he’s fine with going down the street to our friend’s house to watch any football or basketball for the next couple weeks, thanks to some friends we’re getting two Netflix movies at a time now, and we have pretty much every gaming system under the sun.

I think we’ll be OK for a few weeks without TV. In fact, I’m kind of curious to see how the hippies do it.

Comments { 4 }

What really grinds my gears

by on December 10, 2008, in stupid assholes, what grinds my gears, WTF?

You know what really grinds my gears?

When I read shit like, “Mom Inventor Overcomes Fear of Flying to Invent The Worlds Easiest Luggage ID.”

Why the hell is it important to point out she’s a mom? Do we say, “Dad Banker Asks Government for Bailout Money,” or “Dad Doctor Researches Cure for Cancer”?

No, we fucking don’t. But apparently, women today are still not able to have identities that aren’t tied to their reproductive status.

Nobody ever asks a dude when he wants to have children, or how many he wants to have. Women get asked that shit all the time. When a married woman gets knocked up, people ask her, “Are you going back to work after the baby is born?” Nobody asks the man that shit. Because, duh, the man is going back to work; to do otherwise would mean he had some sort of mental disorder. On the other hand, women who put the kid in childcare and go right back to work are looked at like they should be reported to children’s services.

So how about this, America: Unless there’s some compelling reason to note the parental status of someone you’re profiling in an article, just leave that modifier out. Mkay?

And that, my friends, is today’s installment of “What Really Grinds My Gears.”

*Note: There are two other things that piss me off about this article:

1. The inventor says she invented it because she wanted to be able to recognize her plain black bag on the airport carousel easier, yet the writer insists on including the fact that she is divorced and a mother of two as though it were the reason for the invention.

2. The headline states that she overcame a “fear of flying to invent…” But the actual story never mentions her being afraid of flying. And even if she were afraid of flying, it obviously had nothing to do with why she invented the product, which was because she couldn’t recognize her black bag among all the other black bags on the luggage carousel.

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Please stop e-mailing me that Obama is an evil Muslim named after Saddam Hussein

by on October 27, 2008, in hahahahaha, jump aboard the crazy train, news/politics, stupid assholes, WTF?

Over the last week or so I have been getting random e-mails from old acquaintances and seeing Facebook postings/status updates, etc., that refer to Barack Obama as “Hussein Obama” or otherwise try to convince me that he is Teh Evil Muslim.

I would like to respond to this asshattery with two points:

1. Muslim does not equal evil, and insinuating such just makes you look like a racist asshole.

2. Just stop. You are smarter than that. There are actual, valid reasons to not vote for Barack Obama, and you have got to be able to come up with something other than “His middle name is the same as Saddam Hussein’s last name!”

Sending along these e-mail forwards just makes you look stupid and uncultured. Do you not realize that Saddam Hussein was only a kid when Obama was born? Why the hell would his parents name him after some random-ass Middle Eastern kid they had never heard of?

But more importantly, do you really think there is only one Hussein in this world? You do realize it’s a very common name, right? And so, to illustrate the monumental idiocracy of your “he’s named after a bad person!” shtick, I’d like to play a game with John McCain’s name—another very common name—to help point out how stupid you are. I tried to play it with his middle name, Sidney, but apparently that name sucks so bad there’s nobody besides Sidney Poitier who’s got it. And he’s not really all that bad. So instead, I bring you:

Famous Assholes Named John That John McCain Is Named After and Therefore You Should Fear Him

John Wilkes Booth: Shot Lincoln
John Dillinger: Violently robbed a shitload of banks in the 1930s
John Hinckley, Jr.: Shot Reagan
Jon Bon Jovi: Has been committing acts of terrorism on our eardrums since the 1980s.
See also: John Michael Osbourne. Better known as Ozzy Osbourne. I think he’s pretty cool, but you McCain-voting types probably don’t like devil worshippers too much.

But you see?? You see how stupid that game is? Shit, the last three didn’t become famous until after McCain was born. I guess he technically could have been named after John Dillinger or John Wilkes Booth, but I’m not going to waste my time perpetuating that myth because I AM NOT THAT DESPERATE. I can think of real reasons not to vote for him. I don’t need to resort to made-up ones.

So please, people. If you aren’t going to vote for Barack Obama, do it because of the issues. Don’t resort to some made-up bullshit excuses that just make you look like a fool grasping at straws.

Comments { 7 }

11 reasons why The Scene's "Best of" poll can suck it

by on October 15, 2008, in around town, hahahahaha, stupid assholes, WTF?

  1. Corky’s BBQ is listed as best ribs. Corky’s should only be listed on a poll under the header “Best place to feel like shit as soon as you start eating and then go home and barf up your entire dinner. Twice.”
  2. Kirkenburt’s is not listed as best barbeque. Yeah I realize it’s not technically in Nashville, but it’s That. Damn. Good.
  3. Subway is listed as one of the winners of best sub sandwich. At least it wasn’t Jimmy John’s. I would have to stab someone if that were the case.
  4. People actually think they are getting fresh seafood from Whole Foods, Publix and Fresh Market.
  5. Corrieri’s Formaggeria is listed as the third best specialty/gourmet store. AFTER Whole Foods and Fresh Market. Jesus fucking Christ, what is WRONG with you people? Are you that scared of anything that’s not a chain? I guess so, since there had to be “not a chain” disclaimers in this poll. I’m surprised people didn’t vote Whole Foods and Fresh Market as the most original menu or best sushi restaurant, too.
  6. This doesn’t piss me off, but I did chuckle when I read there is a restaurant called “Red Pony” in Williamson County.
  7. Who the fuck nurses a hangover at Noshville?
  8. Sunset Grill is a late-night eatery? I thought they were a regular restaurant. Who goes there when they’re drunk or has the munchies?
  9. What record exec forced his minions to vote for Kenny Chesney 600 times as the best concert of 2008?
  10. So church is the best place to meet single men and women, but it’s not the best place to meet intelligent ones? I don’t have experience with this, but I am inclined to agree.
  11. OMG WAIT. I just got to “Best Local Author.” No. 1 is Ann Patchett.

That’s it. I’m done. Fuck this poll.

Comments { 5 }

On today's episode of "WTF??"

by on October 14, 2008, in but in our house we never get bored, I hate my neighbors, stupid assholes, WTF?

So our shitty property management company has been promising to pressure-wash our buildings for about two weeks now. I get home today and have a note on my door from the pressure-washing company (in Smyrna, I should’ve known they would be shitty. I kid! Kind of) saying that they will be washing my building (that’s me and four other units) and—get this—they need to use OUR water to do it!

So not only do we pay the property management company $75 a month in association fees that is supposed to cover the maintenance of the outside of the building (the roof, the brick, the siding, the landscaping, the front door), now we’re supposed to pay EXTRA for them to take care of it? Oh, and not just ours. Because we paid MORE initially to purchase an end unit, now we’re going to have to pay for them to wash the ENTIRE building?

I don’t think so. Is this even legal?

I sent an email to the property manager and the other people on the board (I love how at the meeting when they elected me to the board they talked all about the pressure washing but neglected to mention I would be paying for it), but of course have heard nothing back. We keep our outside water turned off by default (when they first built our place the building company used our water to water the lawn and we got a $400 water bill—which WAS reimbursed), but if we want them to wash our house we will have to turn it on.

So do we risk a seriously expensive water bill? (Ours is normally $40-$50 a month for just the two of us—yes, this is high. We have county water, not city water, and pay about $20 more than city water peeps do) Or do we keep the water off and not get the mold and shit cleaned off our house?

We have to make our decision before we leave the house in the morning at 8 a.m. I doubt I’ll be able to get in touch with anyone at Ghertner (the WORST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT COMPANY IN THE UNIVERSE) before 9 a.m., when they open.

Comments { 1 }

The great gas fiasco of '08, or, Nashville is insane

by on September 21, 2008, in around town, jump aboard the crazy train, stupid assholes, traffic: also sucking out my soul one day at a time

Two weeks ago when Ian and I ordered a TV cart and bookshelf from American Signature, we decided to save the $100 delivery fee and pick it up ourselves. Ian’s dad has a truck and graciously told us we could use it to haul the furniture. Even considering the cost to put some gas in the truck, it wouldn’t cost us near $100 so we decided to go for it. Well, also, American Signature won’t deliver to Murfreesboro on the weekend and we didn’t want to have to take time off work to wait around for them. Especially since they only deliver to Murfreesboro once a week, and it’s been a pain in the ass to get them to come out here in the past.

Anyhoo, so Friday rolls around and people start freaking out about gas in Nashville. The Murfreesboro stations we passed on the way in to work were fine, but when we got home Friday night people were lined up at each station. My Civic was almost empty, and knowing we’d have to drive to Mt. Juliet this weekend, I decided to stop at the Exxon by our house and fill up. Not because I was in a panic, mind you. I actually needed some frikkin’ gas. Well, the line was all the way out of the station, so Ian and I hung out at home and periodically checked on the station (we can see it from our upstairs bedroom window) until we saw the lines were down to just one or two at a pump. This was about 10:30. Yes, people were freaking out until after 10:30 last night. Of course, all they had left was premium. Fuckers.

So Saturday morning we drove out to Mt. Juliet to pick up Ian’s dad’s truck, and along the way noticed people were forming crazy long lines around every station we saw. People were filling up gas cans and lawnmowers in addition to their own vehicles. I wondered why they thought they’d need 100 gallons of gas to get them through the weekend, but then realized these are the same people who freak out and buy Kroger out of its milk and bread when it is rumored to maybe think about perhaps snowing a quarter of an inch in two weeks. (I have never understood why people buy two of the most perishable items when they think they are going to be stuck in their house, cut off from civilization, for weeks. Makes no sense. Wouldn’t you buy canned goods?)

Anyway, we got to Ian’s dad’s house, jumped in the truck, and realized that it was almost on empty. No biggie, we thought, we’ve got enough to get to Cool Springs and then back to Murfreesboro, where we can put enough in to get us back to Mt. Juliet (and not leave Ian’s dad in the lurch when he needs to use the truck again).

Well, we made it almost to Cool Springs and the E light came on. Ian called his dad, who said he wasn’t sure how long we could go, but they decided we needed to get gas rather than risk getting stranded on the side of 840 with $700 worth of furniture in an open-bed truck (especially since it had rained a bit on us earlier in the day). So we pulled off the road in Triune to try the Citgo and the Kangaroo. Both had lines going down the road.

We foolishly thought we’d have better luck in Cool Springs, where there are tons more than just two gas stations, so we ventured on.

Boy were we wrong. We passed at least 10 gas stations that didn’t have any gas at all. Finally we found one Mapco that had one pump, but the attendant (who was helping someone fill up) advised the folks in front of us to leave and go down to exit 61 on I-65, as they had lots of gas.

We were starting to worry a little—not worry like “Oh my god we’re not going to have gas for days or weeks!” but worry like “Holy shit we could actually get stranded in fucking Cool Springs and not be able to get home.”

So we headed down to exit 61, where we passed another four gas stations that were totally out. We came to a BP that was part of one of those TA travel stops, and low and behold it had gas. Regular only, $3.79/gallon. Fucking sweet.

Well, it was fucking sweet to find gas, but the line was not sweet at all. When we pulled up, there were about 50 cars in front of us. But it was organized, I’ve got to give them that. An attendant came around to make sure everyone knew which side their gas tank was on, and advised us that a man up at the front of the line would tell us which pump to go to. The guy also asked if we were about to run out (we were), and said that if we happened to while we were waiting in line they would sell us a gas can full enough to get us up to the pump. Luckily we made it, but we waited almost an hour and a half before we got to the pump. We put $50 in. That got us to a little over a half a tank. Enough to make it back to Murfreesboro.

And when we did, of course there was some asshole filling his van all the way up… and then his gas can.

Seriously, isn’t that what makes this worse? Just put the gas in your fucking vehicle and go home. There is no need to hoard gas, people, shit!

We finally made it home with our furniture, but didn’t have the energy to go back to get my car, which is still in Mt. Juliet. We also decided to skip the blogger meet-up at the Flying Saucer, which sucks, but we were emotionally and physically drained from playing Mad Max all day. Also, we weren’t sure how long Middle Tennesseans were going to keep freaking out about gas, and figured we should use the gas it would take to drive the 70 miles or so to and from the Saucer for the work week.

Seriously, who started the rumor about there not being any gas? And if you find him/her, can I punch him/her in the neck?

Comments { 7 }
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