Please stop e-mailing me that Obama is an evil Muslim named after Saddam Hussein

Over the last week or so I have been getting random e-mails from old acquaintances and seeing Facebook postings/status updates, etc., that refer to Barack Obama as “Hussein Obama” or otherwise try to convince me that he is Teh Evil Muslim.

I would like to respond to this asshattery with two points:

1. Muslim does not equal evil, and insinuating such just makes you look like a racist asshole.

2. Just stop. You are smarter than that. There are actual, valid reasons to not vote for Barack Obama, and you have got to be able to come up with something other than “His middle name is the same as Saddam Hussein’s last name!”

Sending along these e-mail forwards just makes you look stupid and uncultured. Do you not realize that Saddam Hussein was only a kid when Obama was born? Why the hell would his parents name him after some random-ass Middle Eastern kid they had never heard of?

But more importantly, do you really think there is only one Hussein in this world? You do realize it’s a very common name, right? And so, to illustrate the monumental idiocracy of your “he’s named after a bad person!” shtick, I’d like to play a game with John McCain’s name—another very common name—to help point out how stupid you are. I tried to play it with his middle name, Sidney, but apparently that name sucks so bad there’s nobody besides Sidney Poitier who’s got it. And he’s not really all that bad. So instead, I bring you:

Famous Assholes Named John That John McCain Is Named After and Therefore You Should Fear Him

John Wilkes Booth: Shot Lincoln
John Dillinger: Violently robbed a shitload of banks in the 1930s
John Hinckley, Jr.: Shot Reagan
Jon Bon Jovi: Has been committing acts of terrorism on our eardrums since the 1980s.
See also: John Michael Osbourne. Better known as Ozzy Osbourne. I think he’s pretty cool, but you McCain-voting types probably don’t like devil worshippers too much.

But you see?? You see how stupid that game is? Shit, the last three didn’t become famous until after McCain was born. I guess he technically could have been named after John Dillinger or John Wilkes Booth, but I’m not going to waste my time perpetuating that myth because I AM NOT THAT DESPERATE. I can think of real reasons not to vote for him. I don’t need to resort to made-up ones.

So please, people. If you aren’t going to vote for Barack Obama, do it because of the issues. Don’t resort to some made-up bullshit excuses that just make you look like a fool grasping at straws.

Live blogging the last 2008 presidential debate

Well, I wasn’t going to live blog this because I was planning on staying sober, but honestly McCain looks so damn uncomfortable that it’s making ME cringe. So let me grab a beer and get caught up on this shizzfest. (Basically I’m going to tweet and blog at the same time. So if you follow me both places, get ready for redundancy. Sorry in advance.)

8:13 p.m. Wait is Joe the Plumber like the plumbers that I know? Because then he makes $100/hr. I don’t think he’s hurting.

8:14 p.m. Ian says he thinks McCain just had a stroke. And that he must have gas because he looks really uncomfortable.

8:15 p.m. WHY DO THEY KEEP BRINGING UP IRELAND? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT IRELAND? I mean, I do, but not for election reasons.

8:17 p.m. HAHAHA McCain can speak to the Great Depression BECAUSE HE WAS ALIVE DURING IT!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA

8:18 p.m. Hahaha I think McCain just forgot the question. Twice he’s had to be reminded to answer the damn question. But in his defense, it takes a long time to reach back in a brain that was born before the Great Depression.

8:20 p.m. OMG seriously why does McCain keep sneering and laughing at Obama? Did he just make a stinky in his diaper?

8:21 p.m. OH SNAP! McCain is letting his disrespect and irritation toward Obama show loud and clear. As long as he maintains his train of thought, that is.

8:22 p.m. How does a man with 12 houses know how Americans are angry and hurting?

8:23 p.m. This would be a great, great time for Obama to say, “I’m a maverick, too! [redacted]”

8:25 p.m. Yes, yes, we all know you have hundreds of years of experience, McCain.

8:26 p.m. Wait the man who wanted to BACK OUT of the last debate is now chastising Obama for not wanting to have more debates?

8:27 p.m. Who cut McCain and gave him his scars? WHO? Bush? Cheney!! I bet it was Cheney.

8:28 p.m. OMG IS HE CRYING? No wait, it’s just old man drippy-eye.

8:28 p.m. Ok that’s it. I’m drinking every time McCain speaks. Sorry people I work with, I’m going to look rough tomorrow.

8:32 p.m. AHA! YES! That’s right McCain’s supporters are yelling to kill Obama. THAT is not cool and I’m glad Obama brought that shit up.

8:33 p.m. McCain is really uncomfortable.

8:33 p.m. He’s proud of the people who come to their rallies? Why would you say that right after you guys were talking about the people who scream to kill Obama and that he’s a terrorist.

8:35 p.m. Both these dudes are left-handed. Siniestra. Is Ron Paul left-handed, too? Ian says they would be the left-handed triple beast if so.

8:36 p.m. Thank Jebus Obama is clarifying his relationship with William Ayers. Since McCain just said they’d have to “review his relationship” with him to know if he (obama?) is really a terrorist. WTF??

8:37 p.m. Is McCain really going there? Is he really trying to “prove” Obama is a terrorist? Do people really think that?

8:39 p.m. Dick Lugar teehee

8:40 p.m. Wait, so in one breath McCain went from “Obama is a terrorist” to “I’m not going to raise taxes”? In the same sentence?

8:41 p.m. Just say it, Obama. You picked Biden for VP because HE IS NOT A FUCKING RETARD FROM ALASKA he is awesome. Or something.

8:43 p.m. Sarah Palin cut the size of government? Is that what we’re calling “unethical firing” nowadays? Oh wait—so Democrats can’t touch Palin’s family but McCain can parade them around on a stick?

8:44 p.m. Why does McCain keep bringing up how tough Palin’s husband is? Is that a clause in the paperwork? He has to mention the size of Todd’s dick every time he mentions how great Sarah is? Or does he mention it because he wants to jab at Biden’s wife dying?

8:48 p.m. Do people really think there is such a thing as clean coal?

8:49 p.m. Oh I thought he was going to say “Tell the oil companies to fuck off.”

8:50 p.m. Why is nobody mentioning that we need to tell the EPA to require auto manufacturers to require all vehicles to be fuel efficient? 40 mpg or better? We’ve had the technology for YEARS. Force the automakers to start being more responsible. If people can only buy fuel-efficient vehicles, they will. BAM. Problem… made kind of better. Eh? Megan for president?

8:52 p.m. Hahahaha McCain talking about drugs? Sure McCain is a free-trader. He trades his Viagra for Cheney’s Cialis.

8:54 p.m. Car companies have been fat and happy for far too long. They need to get their asses on the ball and figure out ways to make better cars. Or let them go under. I don’t care. Let them all fail. AND DON’T BAIL THEM OUT.

8:55 p.m. OBAMA FTW! Someone finally mentioned making more fuel-efficient cars!!

8:56 p.m. I think McCain just had a stroke. That sentence was like three at once with no verb. WTF is he trying to say? HAHA I love how when he says, “When I’m president…” the moderator says, “Ohh Ok…” the way your mom said she believed you when you told her you discovered a pot of gold when you were 10 years old.

8:57 p.m. If I were going to vote on body language alone tonight, I would be heading for the voting booth in the morning to cast my vote for Obama. McCain looks uncomfortable, nervous, condescending and irritated. And like he has gas. And he’s fuggles. But Obama keeps looking at the camera, connecting with people at home. Why can’t McCain look the TV-viewing audience in the eye?

8:59 p.m. What good is a walk-in clinic if they don’t take your insurance or if you don’t have insurance? Newsflash: walk-in doesn’t mean free, McCain. And as Ian says, “I can totally get a heart transplant for $5,000! Thanks John McCain!”

9 p.m. Who the fuck is Joe??

9:02 p.m. That’s right! Old sickly people can’t GET cheap health insurance! Hell, even young people can’t get health insurance. I tried once and was denied. And I’m not even sick.

9:03 p.m. Ok if it’s true that young people matter the most in these elections, I really want to hear Obama say, “John McCain, your campaign is an EPIC FAIL.” Oh wait, that jumped the shark today didn’t it? God damn you, Slate.

9:04 p.m. PLUMBERS DON’T WORK ON SUNDAY!!!

9:05 p.m. John McCain if you don’t like government, why are you running for it? Shouldn’t you be an anarchist?

9:06 p.m. Wait wait where is John McCain making sense with this health plan? Is he really saying screw the people who need transplants? Can you really get a liver transplant for $5,000? (I’m not asking this because I’m afraid I’m going to need one after this debate.)

9:07 p.m. Why is everyone sucking Joe the Plumber’s dick tonight? When did plumbers become the best way to describe America?

9:10 p.m. Oh Christ “proudly pro-life” and “terribly difficult situation” in the same sentence, McCain? Don’t get me started.

9:12 p.m. Sorry McCain we are not PRO-ABORTION. We are pro-choice. If you get raped and pregnant but still feel like you should keep it, go right ahead. Oh wait, you will NEVER HAVE TO MAKE THAT CHOICE. So how about let’s keep it a CHOICE, asshat.

9:15 p.m. OMG is McCain LAUGHING as Obama tries to talk about abortion issues? Oh wait, he’s smirking. That’s right. Because abortion is something to smirk about.

9:16 p.m. STOP CALLING IT PRO-ABORTION YOU FUCKING IDIOT ELITIST RACIST BIGOTED ASSHOLE

9:18 p.m. I can’t listen to McCain keep saying pro-abortion. He can NEVER know what it would feel like to be in that position. NEVER.

9:20 p.m. Wait did McCain just say education is the civil rights issue of this century? I thought they already de-segregated schools.

9:21 p.m. Wait so he wants to reward teachers, but then let soldiers be teachers without having to take tests and get certified?? Ok, forget the soldiers-without-education-training remark. If we’re going to reward teachers, I think we need higher standards. Ask my sister: She was in a great school for her teaching degree, and right alongside her were DUMBASSES who are teachers today. Why should we reward the stupid, unmotivated teachers? Why shouldn’t we raise the standards?

9:22 p.m. OMG OBAMA YOU JUST SAID WHAT I JUST BLOGGED!! (but more eloquently.) Holy crap. OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT 2008!!!

9:25 p.m. Ya Sarah Palin knows about kids because she has 400 of them. And guess what NOT ONE IS AUTISTIC SO SHUT UP MCCAIN. Does he think Down’s Syndrome is the same as autism? Really??

9:27 p.m. Yes McCain, America needs a new direction. And you are so far behind what this country needs, your only direction is backward. That’s not what we need.

9:30 p.m. Obama is such a better speaker. He is so much more presidential. Even when I was deciding if I should vote for Clinton or Obama, I thought Obama was way more presidential.

Wow. This was a tough election. McCain seemed like he could explode at any time, and his sighing/smirking was worse than Gore’s was back in 2000. I can’t believe how many times McCain said “pro-abortion, too.” I know, I need to let it go already, but for someone who trotted out civil rights in this debate, he needs to get a grip. Don’t say education is the new civil rights movement when you’re trying to take women’s rights away and ensure gay couples never get rights. That is the No. 1 way to piss me off. And a lot of other people, too, I would suspect.

This aggression will not stand, man!

First they take the open-apple symbol off the keyboard, now they remove FireWire from the MacBook?

WTF is wrong with Apple??

Ok, so I get the open-apple symbol isn’t functional and I’m just being a nostalgic nerd by being pissed about it being gone. But also: Seriously, the new thin keyboards suck giant balls. I HATE the keys. HATE THEM.

But taking FireWire off the MacBooks completely? Are you serious? How the hell are you supposed to boot into target disc mode? YOU CAN’T with USB!

Also, if you’re transferring a shit-ton of stuff, put FireWire and USB 2. 0 in a pit together and ask them to fight to the death. FireWire will kill USB 2. 0, bring it back to life, kill it again and then go catch you a delicious bass all before USB 2.0 will be able to even understand the question.

AND my freaking iPod (well, just one of them, but my faaavorite one) is FireWire. WTF am I supposed to do if I get rid of my two desktops and two laptops that currently support FireWire?? (Haha, but seriously: I store all of my music and sync my iPods from my desktop, which I have seriously thought about replacing with a MacBook and a great cinema display from time to time. Well, that dream has been killed. JUST LIKE FIREWIRE. Also: That dream might have already been killed when the economy shit the bed. Or before that, when I realized nobody really needs seven computers, not even me.)

If all this is happening because Steve is sick and not able to kick ass as much as he usually does, what is going to happen when he actually kicks the bucket? Excuse me while I go weep for the former shell of Apple.

11 reasons why The Scene’s “Best of” poll can suck it

  1. Corky’s BBQ is listed as best ribs. Corky’s should only be listed on a poll under the header “Best place to feel like shit as soon as you start eating and then go home and barf up your entire dinner. Twice.”
  2. Kirkenburt’s is not listed as best barbeque. Yeah I realize it’s not technically in Nashville, but it’s That. Damn. Good.
  3. Subway is listed as one of the winners of best sub sandwich. At least it wasn’t Jimmy John’s. I would have to stab someone if that were the case.
  4. People actually think they are getting fresh seafood from Whole Foods, Publix and Fresh Market.
  5. Corrieri’s Formaggeria is listed as the third best specialty/gourmet store. AFTER Whole Foods and Fresh Market. Jesus fucking Christ, what is WRONG with you people? Are you that scared of anything that’s not a chain? I guess so, since there had to be “not a chain” disclaimers in this poll. I’m surprised people didn’t vote Whole Foods and Fresh Market as the most original menu or best sushi restaurant, too.
  6. This doesn’t piss me off, but I did chuckle when I read there is a restaurant called “Red Pony” in Williamson County.
  7. Who the fuck nurses a hangover at Noshville?
  8. Sunset Grill is a late-night eatery? I thought they were a regular restaurant. Who goes there when they’re drunk or has the munchies?
  9. What record exec forced his minions to vote for Kenny Chesney 600 times as the best concert of 2008?
  10. So church is the best place to meet single men and women, but it’s not the best place to meet intelligent ones? I don’t have experience with this, but I am inclined to agree.
  11. OMG WAIT. I just got to “Best Local Author.” No. 1 is Ann Patchett.

That’s it. I’m done. Fuck this poll.

On today’s episode of “WTF??”

So our shitty property management company has been promising to pressure-wash our buildings for about two weeks now. I get home today and have a note on my door from the pressure-washing company (in Smyrna, I should’ve known they would be shitty. I kid! Kind of) saying that they will be washing my building (that’s me and four other units) and—get this—they need to use OUR water to do it!

So not only do we pay the property management company $75 a month in association fees that is supposed to cover the maintenance of the outside of the building (the roof, the brick, the siding, the landscaping, the front door), now we’re supposed to pay EXTRA for them to take care of it? Oh, and not just ours. Because we paid MORE initially to purchase an end unit, now we’re going to have to pay for them to wash the ENTIRE building?

I don’t think so. Is this even legal?

I sent an email to the property manager and the other people on the board (I love how at the meeting when they elected me to the board they talked all about the pressure washing but neglected to mention I would be paying for it), but of course have heard nothing back. We keep our outside water turned off by default (when they first built our place the building company used our water to water the lawn and we got a $400 water bill—which WAS reimbursed), but if we want them to wash our house we will have to turn it on.

So do we risk a seriously expensive water bill? (Ours is normally $40-$50 a month for just the two of us—yes, this is high. We have county water, not city water, and pay about $20 more than city water peeps do) Or do we keep the water off and not get the mold and shit cleaned off our house?

We have to make our decision before we leave the house in the morning at 8 a.m. I doubt I’ll be able to get in touch with anyone at Ghertner (the WORST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT COMPANY IN THE UNIVERSE) before 9 a.m., when they open.

OK party people

I need help. We’re looking for a place to have our wedding reception. We’d rather not have to hire a DJ and caterer separate, so a bar or restaurant would be ideal. We’re thinking The Flying Saucer right now, but there’s the chance that my sister might not be able to come (she’s only 17 and they have a “21 and up–no exceptions!” rule posted), it gets kind of loud in there Saturday nights when the bands play, and we could only have 75 people. But they make it easy because booze, food and the room are all included in one price (well, you don’t even have to pay for the room reservation.)

So I ask ye: Where are some good places to throw a party around town that will serve booze and food and have music (but not loud, not-able-to-converse-with-our-guests loud music)? We probably won’t throw the party until after the first of the year, and Nashville or Murfreesboro locations are great.

Since when is guilt a wedding gift?

After one week of being married, true feelings are starting to come out of the woodwork like termites, eating away at the congratulations until they reveal the selfish sentiments that have been bubbling below.

I understand that some people are never going to understand why we wanted to have a private ceremony. I get that people will feel wronged or slighted somehow, believing that they deserved or were owed involvement. I understand that for some people, not wanting to parade your most intimate feelings for your partner around like a dog and pony show is a foreign concept. In this country, that’s just what people do in weddings. And I understand and respect other people’s desire for that kind of wedding.

But that’s not what felt right for us. And it makes me sad to hear from people who can’t understand this, and now their feelings are hurt. And I will respect your right to be hurt—as long as you don’t extend that into trying to make us regret the way we married. Because this was our wedding, and we had the right to have the kind of ceremony that we wanted. We did it for us, not for anyone else.

Ian and I didn’t decide to get married because it was something that was expected of us. When we started talking about what kind of ceremony we would have, it didn’t feel right to make a spectacle out of it, which would have been exactly what would have happened even if we had only invited our closest friends and family (which, by the way, would have ended up being at least 25 people after factoring in significant others). This is not a knock on our friends and family. Weddings are always spectacles, no matter the size. Most of America loves the spectacle of a wedding, and that’s great—for them. It’s just not us.

And this was our wedding. I’m sorry if some people are bummed out because they didn’t get to make a toast or throw a party or tear up as we exchanged rings. But if there was ever a time where it was appropriate to be selfish, this was it. And honestly, the thought of having an extremely personal conversation in front of a crowd just seemed like it would cheapen the sentiment for us.

We’re still going to throw a party. Our friends and family can come drink and eat on us, and they can make embarrassing toasts and throw wedding cake and participate in all the other wedding reception shenanigans they can think of.

But for the love of whatever is holy, please realize that we didn’t sit around and dream up how we could do this and piss off all our friends and family at the same time. It wasn’t our intent to hurt anyone’s feelings, we just had to do what was right for us. And if you know us, and love us, you’ll realize this was a beautiful thing.

Please don’t mar the happiness with guilt.

So… I got married this weekend



Rings, originally uploaded by MeganMorris.

For all of you who thought I couldn’t keep a secret—you were almost right.

After about six or seven months or planning, Ian and I were married Saturday, Oct. 4, 2008, outside Asheville, N.C.—exactly 11 years to the day that we met.* It was a private, outdoor ceremony held at RiverMist, land owned by the officiant who married us in Mooresboro. We stood barefoot on some rocks in a creek and exchanged vows and all that other wedding ceremony data.

Don’t be offended that you weren’t invited—nobody was. Ian and I don’t really like being the center of attention, and while we love all the congrats and well wishes we’ve gotten, the idea of having to stand up in front of a bunch of people in a tux and a frilly white dress and exchange some very personal promises was a bit overwhelming. Ok, it was a lot overwhelming. And after realizing how nervous we were before our private ceremony, we are 100 percent convinced we did what was best for us.

The prep
Even though I felt a little girly, I had my nails, toenails, hair and makeup done, and ok—getting my hair and makeup done=BEST. DECISION. EVER. Best wedding-related decision, at least. Even though the stylist took a bit (OK, a LOT) longer than anticipated and we were almost late for our own frikkin wedding, not having to worry about having a bad hair day or “holy shit I don’t know how to put on makeup I’m not a girly-girl” was great. It was all taken care of for me.

Also, I think I understand the point of the bridal party, the rehearsal dinner, etc., now. It’s not to invite your best friends and beloved family members to share in a wonderful moment in your life. That’s bullshit. It’s all about keeping the bride and groom occupied so they have as few “OMGWTFGETTINGMARRIED” moments as possible. Luckily Asheville has beer (lots of GREAT beer) that worked well in keeping us preoccupied, relaxed and almost stress-free (we freaked out a little bit the night before/morning of, but I think that’s normal. Right? Right?!?!).

The ceremony
The weather was perfect for an outdoor wedding. We were a bit worried when we rolled into town on Wednesday evening—it was about 50 degrees, and it didn’t warm up most days until after noon. Since we were getting married at noon, we hoped the sun would warm up the earth quickly. And it delivered—it was about 75 degrees, perfectly sunny, hardly any wind. I’m convinced including some pagan elements in the ceremony was an even better idea now; I think the earthen gods and goddesses—or maybe just the earth—were looking out for us.

The ceremony itself only took maybe 10 minutes, and was one we worked on together with Victoria, the woman who married us. She is a non-denomination minister who is knowledgeable in various traditions, customs and religions, and was receptive to the fact that we are not Christian and did not want a Christian ceremony. She sent us various blessings and vows that invoked Native American and pagan elements, and we worked together to create a custom ceremony that fit our personalities.

As you can probably tell by the pictures, we laughed a bit throughout the ceremony. Part of it was nervousness, part of it was the bee buzzing around our heads at the beginning, and part of it was that it’s just what we do. We laugh together. A lot.

So here’s to a long, long life of laughter.


* For those of you who don’t know the story, I met Ian at CVS, which used to be Revco, in Murfreesboro. My first day was Oct. 4, 1997, and I met him later that day—he worked in the front store at the time. We became close friends pretty quickly and remained close over the years, but it wasn’t until he moved to St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2003 and after I went to visit him that we were ready to admit there was something more than friendship there.

He moved back to Murfreesboro in December 2003, and we spent time together every day the first week he was back home. After flirting for that whole week, I was walking out to my car after doing laundry at his mom’s house one night and he kissed me. Like a big dork I just said goodnight and went home, but he called me, and I told him we’d talk the next day. So the next day we met back up, talked about how we didn’t want to ruin a great friendship, but decided we wanted to see where things would go.

And so after more than six years of friendship, almost five years of dating, one house, three cats and lots of history later, here we are. Married.

Holy crap.

Live blogging the V.P. debate

Not playing a drinking game this time, but I’m still a bit buzzed. So here are my thoughts, coming into this about 20 minutes into the game

8:22 p.m. The fact that Palin has only been an observer of government, while Biden has been participatory, is apparently already.

8:23 p.m. How many times will Biden trip over his own words?

8:24 p.m. Why does Palin hate on the feds so bad? Isn’t she trying to become THE fed?

8:25 p.m. Oh I see. Biden is stumbling over his speech because he’s trying to hold back. TAKE THE GLOVES OFF. She is stupid. Call her on it.

8:26 p.m. God so many economy questions. Wait, “Just in the past weeks?” Does she think nobody else noticed what the hell has gone on with the economy?? Oh wait, also, “The Senate wasn’t going to go there”?? Wasn’t it the SENATE that passed the bailout–oh i’m sorry, the RESCUE–for Wall Street? MAKE UP YOUR MIND SARAH.

8:29 p.m. Biden is really coming off as soft. I thought HE was the pibull.

8:30 p.m. Wait, why does Palin keep going back to energy? OH YEAH THAT’S THE ONLY THING SHE WAS BRIEFED ON.

8:31 p.m. Ok so Republicans aren’t giving energy companies tax breaks? SINCE WHEN?

8:32 p.m. SARAH PALIN YOU ARE KILLING THE CLIMATE-CHANGE STATE’S ANIMALS! You don’t care about what goes on in the climate! You don’t want to argue HOW we got there? If you don’t know how something happened, how are you going to fix it, tell me?

8:33 p.m. Being energy-efficient doesn’t really mean “how much we pollute.” Does Palin know that? Or is she just vomiting back up talking points?

8:34 p.m. Wait, who is “Senator O’Biden”? Does Palin have an imaginary friend here?

8:36 p.m. Same-sex benefits. Biden/Obama support equal rights. THANK JEBUS FINALLY. Why the hell not? If you are a bible banger and don’t want to marry someone of your same sex, FINE DON’T. But let the rest of the country do what they want!!

8:38 p.m. No Palin, we know what you mean, there are no nuances: You hate the gays. Oh wait, you hate that they love each other but you’ll be “tolerant”? As long as they don’t want any rights. You’ll throw shit at them in the street, but you’ll smile while doing so. How presidential of you. Bitch.

Haha wait, she just pulled the “I have gay friends card.”

8:39 p.m. Oh Joe. You just said that you don’t support gay marriage. But Obama has said that he does, he just doesn’t think the country is ready yet. Sad. :(

8:40 p.m. Oh jesus, foreign policy here. Wait, the plan in Iraq is working? Since when? Did we win? Where’s the party?

8:41 p.m. Does Palin actually know what NATO is? Does she know how to spell it? Does she realize Alaska isn’t its own country and doesn’t have troops there? Also, does she realize that we’re not “winning” Iraq? Has she heard of a little “police action” called “Vietnam”?

8:42 p.m. HAHA Palin was all, “Um, wha? I don’t know what those big words Sen. Biden is using mean! HE IS SEXISTS”

8:43 p.m. “Um, I think like John thinks that we need to be in Iraq for 100 years DUH” – Palin

8:44 p.m. OH SNAP YOU DONE PISSED HIM OFF NOW MOOSEBURGER

8:46 p.m. Ok I can’t even pay attention right now. Why do people care so much if two vags and two wangs marry each other? SERIOUSLY!

8:50 p.m. Ok wait. I almost vomited. Did Palin just mention a “respect for women’s rights”? Because I thought SHE DIDN’T WANT WOMEN TO HAVE ANY. Well, we can have rights as long as they don’t pertain to our bodies, right?

8:51 p.m. But in McCain’s defense, he refused to meet with the president of Spain when he thought it was a Latin American country.

8:52 p.m. WAIT DID IRAN PLEDGE TO KILL ALL OUR JEWS AGAIN? WHERE WILL I GET MY CORNED BEEF? WHERE SARAH PALIN, WHERE?

8:53 p.m. Palin looks like she’s learning stuff from Professor Biden, her college history professor. “OH, N-A-T-O? HE-ZZZZZ-BULLAH?”

8:55 p.m. She is encouraged to know Biden and she “both love Israel.” That is about as patronizing as her whole “I love my gay friends but I still don’t think they’re people and they’re going to burn in hell.”

8:57 p.m. “Nucular.” Has Palin not heard the W. jokes for the last 8 years? WHY DID SOMEONE NOT GET HER A SPEAK-AND-SPELL BEFORE THE DEBATE?

8:58 p.m. Oh wait, untrue comments hurt our cause? Then I suppose the entire republican campaign is harmful to our country.

9:04 p.m. Wait Washington outsider? I think you’re a U.S. outsider. You know, like you want to be when you VOTED FOR ALASKA TO SECEDE FROM THE UNION.

9:05 p.m. I thought Biden was supposed to be the condescending one here? He must be really pulling back. And Palin must be struggling to stay above the surface. She’s talking like someone with something to prove. “I know you are but what is… JOHN McCAIN?” only gets you so far. And shows your ass.

9:06 p.m. Palin: “Um, can you recap what he said in ‘straight talk’? I don’t get what all these ‘numbers’ and ‘facts’ are about.”

9:07 p.m. Wait if John McCain knows how to win a war, why does he need 100 years in Iraq?

Question: Am I crazy? Wasn’t Palin or her husband party of the Alaskan secessionist party? Ok answered: Her husband was part of that party. She just spoke to the group.

9:11 p.m. A dose of reality from Wasilia Main Street: Women pay for their own rape kits. Ya, let’s bring that to the federal level.

9:12 p.m. Palin coming across very condescending again. Looks like she doesn’t have anything intelligent to say so she’s filling time with bitchiness.

9:17 p.m. Ian likes Palin’s bejeweled American flag pin. Did she make that herself?

9:20 p.m. How can Palin say that she and McCain stand for equal rights when she has already said she doesn’t believe in them? If gays can’t marry, rape victims have to pay for their own kits and women can’t have rights to their own bodies, how is that equal rights? Ohhh equal rights for all male white middle-aged Christians?

9:21 p.m. Biden getting choked up. That is sad. Palin just glosses over it and goes on to John McCain?

9:23 p.m. McCain has been “no maverick on things that matter to people’s lives” !! FUCK YA JOE GET ON IT!!!

9:29 p.m. “I have always been proud to be an American…. except when I wanted to secede.” – Palin

9:30 p.m. She knows middle-class, regular America? Somehow I doubt that.

9:31 p.m. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Gov. Palin. AND RAPE YOU NOW PAY FOR YOUR OWN KIT, SLUT.” Somehow I think that wouldn’t fly if Biden said it. So why is it ok when Palin does?

9:32 p.m. Ya you can accomplish anything in this country. You don’t have to be smart, open-minded or even know what’s going on in the world. If you’re an open vessel ready to spread the lies of the Republican party, you just might be vice president of the U.S.A.

First thought after: I like how the talking heads are saying they are surprised by Biden’s “Nice to meet you” to Palin. She’s only been on the scene for five weeks. Why would he have met her before?


Tweets of the night:

theogeo: Sarah Palin is a fucking abortion of sentient humanity.

GingerSnaps: Ok, if she says Maverick one more time, I’m going to turn the entire bottle up.

faintgraylines: Not to be ugly, but if McCain knows how to win wars, how did he end up at the Hanoi Hilton?
^That one was harsh but SO TRUE. Have to admit I laughed my ass off at it.

FakeSarahPalin: too many big words BRAIN … HURTING … MUST USE CLICHÉ … HELP

bruingeek: Does Sarah realize that the current administration is a Republican administration?

theogeo: IT’S NU-CLEEEEE-ARRRR, YOU FUCKING ARCTIC HILLBILLY!

theogeo: Wonderful, you agree on BEING FUCKING BIGOTS.

FakeSarahPalin: I can’t hear the snakes HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION PPL

jagadiah: Sure I hate it, but I’ll *tolerate* it. What? You’re offended? I just told you how tolerant I am!

jaxn: Uh, how the fuck can you address “climate change” without looking at the causes?

jagadiah: Hey y’all, when I signed my name on a loan that I knew I could never afford, I totally thought the gov’t was taking advantage of me.


Overall thoughts:
I came in to the debate late, and obviously I already hate Palin as a VP choice, but did it seem to anyone else that she got frantic when she had to answer a real question and couldn’t just read off her talking points? If McCain/Palin win, I will be horrified. But if they win and McCain dies and then Palin becomes president (and the Clintons don’t have her offed), Ian and I are quitting America for a while.