Liveblogging the presidential debate ON ALCOHOL

Ok let me preface this by saying Ian and I are sitting at home playing a drinking game with the debate. The words are: Economy, “my friends,” change, terrorists, weapons of mass destruction, Iran. Every time one is said—by either candidate—we take a drink of beer.

Also: I have already drank half a beer on the word “economy” alone.

OK on to the live blogging:

8:06 p.m. Obama in HD is teh sexy. Ian agrees.

8:08 p.m. McCain sounds, in his intro, defeated and tired and almost like he knows he’s been beaten. I’m afraid he’s going to cry at any minute. Obama sounds decisive and ready to bust some balls. Also: did he mean “if” the economy comes back? He corrected himself and says “when,” but I wonder who all caught that.

8:14 p.m. Oh look who decided to let me post, WORDPRESS.

HAHA John McCain said his pen was old. LIKE HIM. Ooooh BURN!

8:15 p.m. I just suggested adding “wall street” and “main street” to our list of drink words, but Ian said no. He thinks if I go through six beers in an hour I’ll die.

Wait wait, earmarks? Porkbarrel spending? God dammit Google, where is that article about how Palin and McCain have asked for more than him? Oh, and the part about how the people contributing the most money to his campaign are lobbyists? Yeah you don’t want to talk about that do you, hamster mouth?

8:18 p.m. Is anyone going to argue here? If I were there right now I’d throw a chair just to get shit going. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

8:20 p.m. Debate over. Obama wins.

8:20 p.m. Obviously our list of words was off. Does the fact that John McCain hasn’t yet used his “my friends” trademark mean he’s a maverick?

8:19 p.m. Wait who called him “The Sheriff”?

8:19 p.m. FUCK YA OBAMA YOU TELL HIM! CUT HIS BITCH ASS OFF!!

8:20 p.m. Ya cuz Ireland is such a big business draw. I mean, all the HUUUGE companies want to go to Ireland now. Retard.

8:22 p.m. Obama is coming off as really strong, the stronger debater here at least.

I just asked Ian if he’d go gay for Obama (he’s said yes in the past) and all he said was, “He’s no Ed Norton.” (Don’t worry Obama, he totally would.)

8:24 p.m. OMG McCain said FESTOONED! I bet that is a word that is older than him. One of the two things that are older than him.

8:25 p.m. Wait McCain wants a tax code that’s fair? Where’s Laura? Does a fair tax code mean giving tax breaks to the wealthiest peeps?

8:28 Wait the man who owns 12 houses wants to cut spending?

8:34 p.m. Ok I missed a bunch of shit because I had to go get another beer and then I spilled the head on the counter and had to clean it up.

8:35 p.m. Oh Jim, “rule the country”? What is this, England?

8:36 p.m. Ok “slowing down”? I would say the economy is more than slowing down. I think it’s shitting the bed.

8:37 p.m. Wait we send $700 billion a YEAR to other countries that hate us? Rly? Srsly? nooooooo

8:38 pm. ORGY OF SPENDING FTW!! AHAHAHAHA

8:38 p.m. OK McCain stop saying you weren’t elected “Miss Congeniality.” WE KNOW. You suck balls. Oh wait, you have a partner who’s a maverick? By “maverick” you mean someone who doesn’t know what the fuck is going on 1. in the world and 2. in her own house, then yes, you have a maverick.

8:39 p.m. Ian says McCain has “that old man whistle” when he says his S’s.

8:40 p.m. Wait McCain wants to bring our troops home? What happened to 100 years? And not in defeat? I don’t think you can count that clusterfuck as a win. I mean, unless you think Vietnam is a win.

8:41 p.m. True, Obama opposed the “war” in Iraq from the beginning. Not even Hillary can claim that.

8:43 p.m. I don’t trust anyone who speaks with their teeth clenched (coughcoughMcCaincoughcough)

8:45 p.m. SMACK DOWN McCain just tried to cut off Obama and failed. Hahaha DENIED.

8:48 p.m. Just realized McCain doesn’t have a flag pin on his lapel. Stop the debate–there’s a terrorist in the hizouse!! ALERT! ALERT! UNPATRIOTIC OLD DUDE ON DRUGS TRYING TO DEBATE IN PLACE OF JOHN MCCAIN! ALERT!

8:49 p.m. God dammit this debate is BORING. I just told Ian not to fall asleep on me because I didn’t want to be drunk and all pissed off with no one to talk to.

8:50 p.m. Wait Obama wants MORE troops? I thought he wanted to withdraw them?

9:09 p.m. OK wait what are they talking about? Is McCain making up these names or is that how he thinks they’re pronounced? Waaaait he’s talking about how he thought Spain was in Latin America and he dissed the Spanish president a week or so ago right?

9:10 p.m. Why is McCain laughing at Obama? Did he just fart?

9:11 p.m. Oh my bad, that was Ian.

9:12 p.m. The only reason McCain wants a seal is so Sarah Palin can club and BBQ it.

9:14 p.m. OK the list is out the window. I’m two beers down and nicely buzzed. It’s balls-to-the-wall drinking from here on out. I can’t take this debate if my buzz wears off.

9:14 p.m. Time out. From @lauracreekmore (on Twitter): Umm, did Madeleine Albright ever go to N. Korea??? Or did McCain mean to say Condoleezza Rice had been there?

9:19 p.m. Wait, McCain looked into Putin’s eyes? Were they dreamy? Did he see his soul?

9:32 p.m OK I haven’t paid attention to the last 10 minutes of this shit. So boring. I’m calling it now: Obama wins. He is not old, tired, confused and actually knows where he is and what’s going on in the world.

Debate over, as far as I’m concerned.

WAIT. John McCain just said he came home from prison. Like Folsom? HAHAHAHA just kidding I know what he means but I think I should have made “prison” my “drink an entire keg of beer” word.

9:37 p.m. THANK GOD IT’S FINALLY OVER. Most boring debate EVER!

Ian says, “There’s his pillhead wife!” at Cindy “I bought this face!” McCain.

OH BOOYA! NBC news guys corrects McCain on two things: Kennedy was only treated in today, he was RELEASED today—BEFORE THE DEBATE EVEN STARTED! LIAR!

And something about McCain claiming Eisenhower offered to resign about something.

Either way… the fact that they had to correct two erroneous statements RIGHT AFTER THE DEBATE by McCain should say a lot.

5 thoughts on “Liveblogging the presidential debate ON ALCOHOL

  1. Oh my god- dueling computers live-blogging during the debate? I love yall. Can I come live at your house, like another cat? I promise to always poop in the litter box.

  2. Hey come on over! Actually this was blogged on only one computer, but I think we’re still accepting new cats as long as they don’t have diabetiz. So you’re probably good nonetheless.

  3. Pingback: Mexico Or Canada? – Newscoma

  4. That whole Ireland bit made me laugh and laugh. Yeah, shit-tons of people are illegally crossing the border to open up small businesses in Ireland. And the nerve of McCain insinuating that businesses in this country actually pay 35% in taxes. HAAAAA!

    Oh, and I fell asleep about the same time Ian did. The cat freaked out and woke me up around 9:20, though so I got to see the end. For an old man, McCain can sure act like a child.

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