Thought of the Day (The “I’m Up Early” Edition)

The problem with Internet Explorer (that people keep using it) is a lot like the problem with large SUVs* (people keep buying them).

But both problems can be solved similarly: If people would stop buying large SUVs, manufacturers would stop making them. If manufacturers stop making them, people won’t be able to buy them. Eventually all of the older SUVs would die out, making the roads safer for everyone and Americans not as wasteful with fuel.

Likewise, if people would just stop using IE, Microsoft would stop providing (worthless) updates and eventually just discontinue support for the browser. With no more support for the browser, it would start to fall into obscurity, and eventually die out. Web designers everywhere will rejoice because they would no longer have to bust their asses trying to optimize their sites for a browser that’s just going to turn their painstakingly constructed work into a pile of dog shit no matter what they do, anyway.

*I don’t want this to turn into another discussion about why people drive SUVs. I’m just making a comparison between two things that bug the shit out of me.

Liveblogging the presidential debate ON ALCOHOL

Ok let me preface this by saying Ian and I are sitting at home playing a drinking game with the debate. The words are: Economy, “my friends,” change, terrorists, weapons of mass destruction, Iran. Every time one is said—by either candidate—we take a drink of beer.

Also: I have already drank half a beer on the word “economy” alone.

OK on to the live blogging:

8:06 p.m. Obama in HD is teh sexy. Ian agrees.

8:08 p.m. McCain sounds, in his intro, defeated and tired and almost like he knows he’s been beaten. I’m afraid he’s going to cry at any minute. Obama sounds decisive and ready to bust some balls. Also: did he mean “if” the economy comes back? He corrected himself and says “when,” but I wonder who all caught that.

8:14 p.m. Oh look who decided to let me post, WORDPRESS.

HAHA John McCain said his pen was old. LIKE HIM. Ooooh BURN!

8:15 p.m. I just suggested adding “wall street” and “main street” to our list of drink words, but Ian said no. He thinks if I go through six beers in an hour I’ll die.

Wait wait, earmarks? Porkbarrel spending? God dammit Google, where is that article about how Palin and McCain have asked for more than him? Oh, and the part about how the people contributing the most money to his campaign are lobbyists? Yeah you don’t want to talk about that do you, hamster mouth?

8:18 p.m. Is anyone going to argue here? If I were there right now I’d throw a chair just to get shit going. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

8:20 p.m. Debate over. Obama wins.

8:20 p.m. Obviously our list of words was off. Does the fact that John McCain hasn’t yet used his “my friends” trademark mean he’s a maverick?

8:19 p.m. Wait who called him “The Sheriff”?

8:19 p.m. FUCK YA OBAMA YOU TELL HIM! CUT HIS BITCH ASS OFF!!

8:20 p.m. Ya cuz Ireland is such a big business draw. I mean, all the HUUUGE companies want to go to Ireland now. Retard.

8:22 p.m. Obama is coming off as really strong, the stronger debater here at least.

I just asked Ian if he’d go gay for Obama (he’s said yes in the past) and all he said was, “He’s no Ed Norton.” (Don’t worry Obama, he totally would.)

8:24 p.m. OMG McCain said FESTOONED! I bet that is a word that is older than him. One of the two things that are older than him.

8:25 p.m. Wait McCain wants a tax code that’s fair? Where’s Laura? Does a fair tax code mean giving tax breaks to the wealthiest peeps?

8:28 Wait the man who owns 12 houses wants to cut spending?

8:34 p.m. Ok I missed a bunch of shit because I had to go get another beer and then I spilled the head on the counter and had to clean it up.

8:35 p.m. Oh Jim, “rule the country”? What is this, England?

8:36 p.m. Ok “slowing down”? I would say the economy is more than slowing down. I think it’s shitting the bed.

8:37 p.m. Wait we send $700 billion a YEAR to other countries that hate us? Rly? Srsly? nooooooo

8:38 pm. ORGY OF SPENDING FTW!! AHAHAHAHA

8:38 p.m. OK McCain stop saying you weren’t elected “Miss Congeniality.” WE KNOW. You suck balls. Oh wait, you have a partner who’s a maverick? By “maverick” you mean someone who doesn’t know what the fuck is going on 1. in the world and 2. in her own house, then yes, you have a maverick.

8:39 p.m. Ian says McCain has “that old man whistle” when he says his S’s.

8:40 p.m. Wait McCain wants to bring our troops home? What happened to 100 years? And not in defeat? I don’t think you can count that clusterfuck as a win. I mean, unless you think Vietnam is a win.

8:41 p.m. True, Obama opposed the “war” in Iraq from the beginning. Not even Hillary can claim that.

8:43 p.m. I don’t trust anyone who speaks with their teeth clenched (coughcoughMcCaincoughcough)

8:45 p.m. SMACK DOWN McCain just tried to cut off Obama and failed. Hahaha DENIED.

8:48 p.m. Just realized McCain doesn’t have a flag pin on his lapel. Stop the debate–there’s a terrorist in the hizouse!! ALERT! ALERT! UNPATRIOTIC OLD DUDE ON DRUGS TRYING TO DEBATE IN PLACE OF JOHN MCCAIN! ALERT!

8:49 p.m. God dammit this debate is BORING. I just told Ian not to fall asleep on me because I didn’t want to be drunk and all pissed off with no one to talk to.

8:50 p.m. Wait Obama wants MORE troops? I thought he wanted to withdraw them?

9:09 p.m. OK wait what are they talking about? Is McCain making up these names or is that how he thinks they’re pronounced? Waaaait he’s talking about how he thought Spain was in Latin America and he dissed the Spanish president a week or so ago right?

9:10 p.m. Why is McCain laughing at Obama? Did he just fart?

9:11 p.m. Oh my bad, that was Ian.

9:12 p.m. The only reason McCain wants a seal is so Sarah Palin can club and BBQ it.

9:14 p.m. OK the list is out the window. I’m two beers down and nicely buzzed. It’s balls-to-the-wall drinking from here on out. I can’t take this debate if my buzz wears off.

9:14 p.m. Time out. From @lauracreekmore (on Twitter): Umm, did Madeleine Albright ever go to N. Korea??? Or did McCain mean to say Condoleezza Rice had been there?

9:19 p.m. Wait, McCain looked into Putin’s eyes? Were they dreamy? Did he see his soul?

9:32 p.m OK I haven’t paid attention to the last 10 minutes of this shit. So boring. I’m calling it now: Obama wins. He is not old, tired, confused and actually knows where he is and what’s going on in the world.

Debate over, as far as I’m concerned.

WAIT. John McCain just said he came home from prison. Like Folsom? HAHAHAHA just kidding I know what he means but I think I should have made “prison” my “drink an entire keg of beer” word.

9:37 p.m. THANK GOD IT’S FINALLY OVER. Most boring debate EVER!

Ian says, “There’s his pillhead wife!” at Cindy “I bought this face!” McCain.

OH BOOYA! NBC news guys corrects McCain on two things: Kennedy was only treated in today, he was RELEASED today—BEFORE THE DEBATE EVEN STARTED! LIAR!

And something about McCain claiming Eisenhower offered to resign about something.

Either way… the fact that they had to correct two erroneous statements RIGHT AFTER THE DEBATE by McCain should say a lot.

Go now and learn ye about the economic crisis

I consider myself a smart individual, but I don’t kid myself about certain aspects of my intelligence. I know I didn’t pay enough attention during certain classes in high school (government wha? econo-who?), and I now realize that I missed out on some of the finer points of how our government functions. Stuff like how exactly are bills passed in Congress, what does “cloture” mean, and does the recent economic crisis mean I’m going to have to start looking for a cardboard box to move into?

And for almost three years now, Laura has been answering my many (probably often exasperating) questions about politics, government and, most recently, the economy. You see, Laura has a knack for explaining what most would consider redonkulously complex government matters without making you (ok, me) feel like a jackass.

Which brings me to this public service announcement: Get over to her place and read a great Q&A on the current economic situation. Especially if you’re not sure what the hell is going on and if/how it could affect you. Then you can come back and pretend like you had no idea what the fudge was going on, either.

So apparently the Nashville gas crisis freakout isn’t completely unfounded

On Friday when the Nashville gas stations began to run out, word on the street was the panic was started by a rumor, and people reacting to said rumor created a self-fulfilling prophesy. I never heard a rumor that we were going to be out of gas, just co-workers that morning talking about not being able to find gas in the area. Things seemed normal on my way to work that morning as I drove through Murfreesboro, so I just figured maybe it was a Nashville-based rumor.

When we got home that night and people in Murfreesboro were freaking out and buying all the stations out of their gas, I just figured the news of people freaking out over the supposed rumor had made it to the ‘Boro and this was its delayed reaction. Later that night I read on Consumerist about the rumor, and the next day CNN reported it.

Well now, three days later, gas is still scarce in Nashville. Most people I’ve talked to can’t recall hearing a rumor, they just started to notice the gas stations around them didn’t have gas. Most of the stations here in Murfreesboro seem to still have gas (I guess they got shipments in after Friday night’s freakout), but it seems like this could continue to change on a daily basis. Based on what I’ve seen since Friday, morning is a better time to get gas in the ‘Boro.

At work today people were discussing whether there was an actual shortage, and if the talk of a rumor sparking the panic is actually a rumor itself.

Atlanta was running out today, and yesterday when Ian talked to his dad, who was in Charleston, he noted they were running out of gas there, too.

I’m not freaking out yet. I refuse to hoard gas. Not just because it adds to the problem, but because gasoline not in my car’s gashole scares the shit out of me. I don’t want all that combustible shit in the back of my car or at the house just waiting to, well, combust. My car is quite fuel efficient, and I’ve got about a half a tank left. Ian and I drive 400 miles a week (we carpool), but this should last us until Thursday at least, maybe Friday if I’m willing to push it. I doubt I’ll let it run down past the E light until all this is over, and I’ll probably take my computer home with me from work each night this week in case the stations here run out and some yahoo siphons all the gas out of my car in a panic and I’m stranded.

But whether this panic is unfounded or is actually a harbinger of a bigger problem, I’m not too worried about it for the moment. I guess we’ll see if that’s a smart outlook to have in a few days.

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The great gas fiasco of ’08, or, Nashville is insane

Two weeks ago when Ian and I ordered a TV cart and bookshelf from American Signature, we decided to save the $100 delivery fee and pick it up ourselves. Ian’s dad has a truck and graciously told us we could use it to haul the furniture. Even considering the cost to put some gas in the truck, it wouldn’t cost us near $100 so we decided to go for it. Well, also, American Signature won’t deliver to Murfreesboro on the weekend and we didn’t want to have to take time off work to wait around for them. Especially since they only deliver to Murfreesboro once a week, and it’s been a pain in the ass to get them to come out here in the past.

Anyhoo, so Friday rolls around and people start freaking out about gas in Nashville. The Murfreesboro stations we passed on the way in to work were fine, but when we got home Friday night people were lined up at each station. My Civic was almost empty, and knowing we’d have to drive to Mt. Juliet this weekend, I decided to stop at the Exxon by our house and fill up. Not because I was in a panic, mind you. I actually needed some frikkin’ gas. Well, the line was all the way out of the station, so Ian and I hung out at home and periodically checked on the station (we can see it from our upstairs bedroom window) until we saw the lines were down to just one or two at a pump. This was about 10:30. Yes, people were freaking out until after 10:30 last night. Of course, all they had left was premium. Fuckers.

So Saturday morning we drove out to Mt. Juliet to pick up Ian’s dad’s truck, and along the way noticed people were forming crazy long lines around every station we saw. People were filling up gas cans and lawnmowers in addition to their own vehicles. I wondered why they thought they’d need 100 gallons of gas to get them through the weekend, but then realized these are the same people who freak out and buy Kroger out of its milk and bread when it is rumored to maybe think about perhaps snowing a quarter of an inch in two weeks. (I have never understood why people buy two of the most perishable items when they think they are going to be stuck in their house, cut off from civilization, for weeks. Makes no sense. Wouldn’t you buy canned goods?)

Anyway, we got to Ian’s dad’s house, jumped in the truck, and realized that it was almost on empty. No biggie, we thought, we’ve got enough to get to Cool Springs and then back to Murfreesboro, where we can put enough in to get us back to Mt. Juliet (and not leave Ian’s dad in the lurch when he needs to use the truck again).

Well, we made it almost to Cool Springs and the E light came on. Ian called his dad, who said he wasn’t sure how long we could go, but they decided we needed to get gas rather than risk getting stranded on the side of 840 with $700 worth of furniture in an open-bed truck (especially since it had rained a bit on us earlier in the day). So we pulled off the road in Triune to try the Citgo and the Kangaroo. Both had lines going down the road.

We foolishly thought we’d have better luck in Cool Springs, where there are tons more than just two gas stations, so we ventured on.

Boy were we wrong. We passed at least 10 gas stations that didn’t have any gas at all. Finally we found one Mapco that had one pump, but the attendant (who was helping someone fill up) advised the folks in front of us to leave and go down to exit 61 on I-65, as they had lots of gas.

We were starting to worry a little—not worry like “Oh my god we’re not going to have gas for days or weeks!” but worry like “Holy shit we could actually get stranded in fucking Cool Springs and not be able to get home.”

So we headed down to exit 61, where we passed another four gas stations that were totally out. We came to a BP that was part of one of those TA travel stops, and low and behold it had gas. Regular only, $3.79/gallon. Fucking sweet.

Well, it was fucking sweet to find gas, but the line was not sweet at all. When we pulled up, there were about 50 cars in front of us. But it was organized, I’ve got to give them that. An attendant came around to make sure everyone knew which side their gas tank was on, and advised us that a man up at the front of the line would tell us which pump to go to. The guy also asked if we were about to run out (we were), and said that if we happened to while we were waiting in line they would sell us a gas can full enough to get us up to the pump. Luckily we made it, but we waited almost an hour and a half before we got to the pump. We put $50 in. That got us to a little over a half a tank. Enough to make it back to Murfreesboro.

And when we did, of course there was some asshole filling his van all the way up… and then his gas can.

Seriously, isn’t that what makes this worse? Just put the gas in your fucking vehicle and go home. There is no need to hoard gas, people, shit!

We finally made it home with our furniture, but didn’t have the energy to go back to get my car, which is still in Mt. Juliet. We also decided to skip the blogger meet-up at the Flying Saucer, which sucks, but we were emotionally and physically drained from playing Mad Max all day. Also, we weren’t sure how long Middle Tennesseans were going to keep freaking out about gas, and figured we should use the gas it would take to drive the 70 miles or so to and from the Saucer for the work week.

Seriously, who started the rumor about there not being any gas? And if you find him/her, can I punch him/her in the neck?

Why is the Nashville area out of gas?

To everyone who drives a large SUV or truck that has no real reason to other than you think sometimes you might have to maybe move something that perhaps might not fit in the back of your car easily and might one day require you to move that pile of shit on your seat or your soccer-mom-NASCAR-dad neighborhood will think less of you if you drive a vehicle that actually gets more than 30 25* mpg:

FUCK YOU.


*After some thought (I did write this post initially out of frustration), I have revised what I thought to be a reasonable mpg to expect out of a car. I looked at several different mid-sized sedans and realized that many of them only get about 28-31 mpg highway. Taking into consideration that there are many vehicles on the road that are older and aren’t getting optimum mpg anymore (heck even mine has dropped from 38-42 mpg to 35-38 in just a year and a half), it seems a bit unreasonable to expect everyone to be able to drive what would amount to be a compact car in order to achieve 30 mpg. Now that I do place on the heads of the automakers. There is no reason why we can’t have mid-sized vehicles that get more than 30 mpg (the Honda Accord is the only one I found out of Ford, Toyota, Honda and Pontiac that gets 31 mpg).

However, and I’m sorry if I pissed anyone off, but I stand by my statement that there are still a lot of people who drive large SUVs for reasons other than pure necessity.

A response to People magazine’s article about Sarah Palin

In case you missed it (and you probably did), People magazine ran an article Sept. 16 called “Five (More) Things You Didn’t Know About Sarah Palin.” When I saw the title I thought, “Oooh did People magazine get some dirt?” Then I slapped myself for being that stupid, and decided to just read the damn article.

Well, joyous day, you will not believe the goldmine of bullshit I discovered. I actually had to read the article twice, but I’m still not sure if People is being sarcastic. Does People do satire? Upon further review, I really think they are being genuine.

Which is why this country is doomed.

So, you ask, what are these five things I don’t already know about Sarah Palin? Well, here they are, presented in a game I’d like to call People Says/Megan Says:

People says she’s frugal because she gave someone a thank you card and didn’t sign it so the recipient “could use it again.”
Megan says she thinks too highly of herself to sign a fucking card. Why the hell would you give someone a card to THANK THEM for something and not sign your name to the expression of gratitude? Oh yeah, BECAUSE YOU’RE A CRAZY BITCH.

People says she’s a techie because she prefers texting to phone calls.
Megan says no one, NO ONE, who uses Yahoo! (or any other private email service) to circumvent the law and then gets the account hacked is allowed to call themselves a techie. Also, every 13-year-old girl on the planet prefers texting to phone calls. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say they are NOT doing this because they are technically savvy.

People says she’s a rock fan because she named her son Trig Paxton Van Palin because it sounds like “Van Halen,” a band of which she is a big fan.
Megan says she’s a REDNECK because she named her son after VAN HALEN. She named her SON after THIS.

People says she’s adaptable because she changed lipstick brands.
Megan says are you fucking kidding me?? Hey at any given time I have three different brands of shampoo in my shower. Can I be secretary of state now?

People says she’s a traditionalist because she’s against waxing her legs. Or rather, against her daughter getting her legs waxed.
Megan says she’s also against her daughter having an abortion even if she was brutally raped, she’s against two people that really love each other but happen to have the same genitalia getting married but is fine with her 17-year-old daughter marrying a self-described “fucking redneck” just because he happened to knock her up, and she’s against sex education even though it should be LARGELY obvious to her that abstinence-only education doesn’t work.

Yes, that traditionalism is working out just great.

Fuck you, People magazine, for making a mockery about a serious issue. Unless you were being sarcastic. But honestly, this country is made up of stupid assholes. Do you really think they’d all get the joke?

I guess we’ll find out in November.

A mystery gift

Today when I got home from work, I noticed a package outside my door. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was from Amazon, and was half open (half of the top was still taped down, the other half was not). I just received my order from Amazon today at the office, but my first instinct was that Amazon had messed up and sent me a duplicate order to my house.

But when I got inside and opened it up, I realized it was a book—Eeeee Eee Eeee by Tao Lin—that I had on my Amazon wish list. Again, I figured Amazon had screwed up and sent me something on my wish list that I hadn’t actually bought, but when I checked my Amazon account, I found I have not been charged for the book. Also, it’s showing up in the “purchased” section of my wish list.

And I have no idea who purchased it for me.

Also, the packing slip shows my home address for the shipping address, but the billing address has the author’s name and then an address. I’ve only received one thing ordered off my wish list before, and it was last Christmas from my mom, so I didn’t pay attention to the invoice. Is it the default to display the author of a book or the company name in the billing section of the invoice when it’s ordered anonymously?

Or did the author of the book send this to me???

I’m excited to receive the book, but since it’s not my birthday or any holiday coming up, I’m also a little bit weirded out. Either way, I want to know who to thank!

Update: After some Internet sleuthing, I discovered this. The author sent it to me. No shit.

It creeped me out at first, but I can see what he’s doing. I can dig it. So thanks, Tao Lin, for the book. I’m going to start reading it tonight, and will probably buy the other two of your books I’ve got saved on my wish list (as long as this one doesn’t suck ass).

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Ian’s new love



Ian’s new love, originally uploaded by Megan_G.

Last weekend Ian (finally) bought his long-awaited new toy. A 52″ Sony Bravia HD 1080p LCD screen TV.

I swear to god this is the most bad-ass TV I’ve ever sat in front of. People trickled by this weekend and were content to bask in its glory. Ian hasn’t slept upstairs since it was delivered last Wednesday.

Now if only MTV and VH1 would broadcast in HD.